Really struggling with this today. I went to therapy yesterday for the first time in something around 2 weeks. A lot of stuff had gone down that I was telling Kristy about and it all. As well as recent meltdowns etc... I was talking about breaking the binge purge cycle and losing these stubborn couple of pounds sitting on my tummy and thighs. Kristy said that I didn't need to lose any weight.
Ok guys, here's the deal. I'm a healthy weight. I'm not a skinny mini. I was in Physical Therapy the other day and Amanda was asking questions about the disorder and she said I'm not fat and I'm not skinny and I have the "perfect athletic build". Seriously. I don't look like I have an eating disorder.
It's embarassing.
Yes, I know you don't have to look like you have an ED to have one, but you also don't need to not lose weight just because you have an ED. And I know I'm a healthy weight and I don't NEED to lose weight. But I'm also not super skinny and it wouldn't hurt me to lose a few.
Kristy started talking about skewed perception and shit like that and how I don't see what other people see. Fuck that.
Oh yes... I remember these conversations with my therapist. Very frustrating!
ReplyDeleteYes! And they don't really want to focus on the number or say anything for sure so they're like "now, do you REALLY need to lose weight though...?" and you're just like "um...yeah?" and then they're like "Remember you have a distorted body image..." and you're just like "why don't you just shut the f%*# up my eyes work just fine!"
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