Existentialism

Am I allowed to feel down sometimes? Or do I have to always put on a brave face. I mean, I do my best, but I am human. People don't understand. I just wish sometimes people could understand. All you can think of is "No! Please don't leave me alone tonight. If I'm alone, it won't go well. I can't be alone, please don't leave me!" But what comes out of your mouth is "Ok, good luck with your physics homework."

I thought I'd come here and there would be some support and things would be better. Instead, I'm pushed to eat things like ice cream and fast food and fear foods. Then told what a great job I'm doing and left alone with my mind to punish me for my transgressions.

Who am I kidding? I've always been alone. I think that's the worst part. That's why I started my blog and my book, to hope to educate people and encourage people to talk about it so that all these people out there like me who are feeling alone wouldn't have to suffer in that manner anymore. But it's impossible when you tell someone you feel fat and they laugh at you.

It's not even just feeling fat. I mean, that's the words we use, but we mean "defective" and "worthless" and "pathetic" and "weak". It goes much deeper than "fat". But people don't see. The tears we cry don't come from a shallow desire, but from a deep ache in our hearts. One that we can't mend alone.