Junior Year

I moved into my apartment yesterday. Classes start on Monday.It's going to be a huge change in every respect, and I think it might be harder than I expected. I was told I could take a year off if I wanted to simply work on the "mental health issues", but I thought that if I did I would lose all my momentum, and I didn't want that. So here I am, back for my Junior year of school.

I went grocery shopping to stock my cabinets with the essentials. I still have 10 meals at the dining hall a week, but I need to be prepared to handle my breakfasts, some of my dinners, and snacks all myself. It's going to be a challenge getting in everything from my meal plan while shopping on a budget.

Also having all the food at my fingertips will be difficult. While it is annoying to have your parents constantly looking over your shoulder, it is effective. Binges are all too easy here. Especially expensive binges at McDonalds or Sonic. I guess that's just something I'll need to look out for. I tend to binge when I am lonely or when I don't have something else to do, so I'll try to keep busy, not "recluse away" or "push people away" and make friends with my roommates.

Idea: My apartment is set up with four small individual rooms. But if I keep my door open and my roommates and I develope an interacting type of relationship, that can help protect me from bingeing and purging.

I wish I had my best friend and my two other supportive friends here. But I guess I'll have to do without. My boyfriend is coming tonight. Yay! He was in baltimore all summer so this will be the first time I get to see him in three months. I just want to hug him.

My Psychologist had to move down to Florida because her husband changed jobs, so I'm looking for a new Doc. At least that means I can hopefully do therapy in pittsburg and not have to try and make it work in Kansas City, which is where I was. Pittsburg (Kansas) is so small, there aren't many options, so I might also start looking in Joplin, which is a half hour away.

I went to a get together last night with some old friends. Unfortunately though, there was birthday cake and ice cream for one of the guys there. And they gave me the biggest piece because "I'm so skinny". Seriously? Well, I tried to act normal and ate a couple bites. I don't think anyone noticed anything strange.

I have told 2 girls down here about my "issues" and they seem to be great and supportive. I just need girlfriends, you know? I mean, down here. I have plenty of friends up in KC. Last year I made myself be super outgoing at the beginning of the year, but then I broke down and reclused, so I developed only a bunch of shallow relationships.

Hoping to change this year!