Second counseling appointment was yesterday. It's so odd, she can practically predict what I'm going to say before I say it. She'll go fishing for an experience saying she would bet my relationship with my dad was "X" and I've had "Y" happen to me, and she'll be right. Am I that stereotypical? I guess she's seen it all.
We talked about mostly two things at this past appointment. 1. How my relationship with my dad has made me do what I do now with guys and how it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I have a very good father. He always prided himself in spending time with us and doing things like bowling and tennis and bike riding. But he's all business when we talk. I know I have to make formal proposals and appointments to fit into his schedule to have phone conversations. I mean, he's a very well known business consultant, so I get that. It's just frustrating when he has to take a work call while on a bike ride, or while on vacation. He calls them "fire drills" where he absolutely has to go to work because there's some kind of urgent crisis and they need him.
It made me laugh a little. I'd been getting slightly frustrated because my boyfriend has a busy schedule and it's been a lot of me hanging in limbo, not knowing when we are and aren't going to hand out. So I asked him if we could add some type of structure to the relationship and schedule appointments to see each other. He was very confuzzled at that. I mean, I guess that's not a normal way to go about it, it's just what I'm used to.
My therapist said my dad's love language is "quality time". He gets panicky if the door is closed or I'm "recluse-ing" and not spending time with the family. His dad never spent time with the fam and was a workaholic, so he always swore he would make family time.
She then gave me a list of love languages to choose from for me. I thought "words of affirmation" was 100% mine. (The others are "gifts", "physical contact", and "acts of service".) When I've never gotten that from my dad, it makes sense that I go around seeking it from other guys. I know it's cliche, but it actually kinda makes sense. For example, I've always talked about how I don't make my dad proud and I want him to be impressed with me and how I disappoint him. I talked with him on the phone the other day about possibly switching my psychology major to a bachelors of science in psychology with an emphasis in substance abuse and addiction. He started logging onto bls.gov and talking logistics and salary and job outlook and what kind of variety of opportunities there were. Then he said he wouldn't reccomend the more narrow degree, plus, it was probably just my "current emotional state attempting to make rash decisions" and I need to "choose [my] major based on my projected emotional state in 2 years when I graduate." I didn't realize at the time why it made me as upset as it did.
With my boyfriend now, I'm always looking for the "You're beautiful" "'You're wonderful" "I like you" "I'm not going to leave you" "You're not annoying me" "You're not needy". I'm terrified I'm going to come across as needy and clingy, so I aire on the side of caution and most of the time let him decide whether we hang out or not. And I do my best not to bring it up if I'm struggling.
2. We talked about how I view myself. She asked what I thought of myself and the first words that jumped out of my mouth were "I think I have potential". We talked a little more and she asked how I know when I've reached my potential and I talked about various achievements like a published book and a private practice and a library with a sliding ladder and a red velvet wing-back chair. She said I'm a perfectionist and I will always have potential. I will always be trying to push further. then I'll make it, and want to push even further. Like weight goals. You make your goal weight, but then you need a new and even lower goal weight. So you're never content with the present because you always have "potential".
Just a few things to thing about I guess.
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