Yay? Positivity?

Binged at midnight last night. Feeling bloated this morning. I didn't purge though, so I guess that's "good". I mean, it's bad because I binged, but it's good because I didn't purge. My whole food and exercise schedule has been thrown off, and I'm getting hungry late at night. Thinking about maybe doing an afternoon protein shake to help with this. My dietician suggested I "supplement" with power shakes, ice cream, chocolate, etc... anyway because she's trying to get 3000-4000 calories in me and I'm simply getting full.

I went to the rec yesterday and they had a scale, so I weighed myself, and I have lost weight again. I didn't bring my scale with me because I've been trying to break myself of the habit of weighing myself 6 times a day. It was very hard at first, I was always paranoid about it and wondering about it, but it's getting easier. Now I weigh myself about once a week, and I can do that at the rec. My dietician used to weigh me and not let me see the number, but I weighed myself as well at home because we can't let her have all the fun, now can we?

My boyfriend came over last night and I feel kinda bad because there was the whole shirts coming off and pants and bra's and grinding and all that. We've only been back together for 4 days and it's already escalated that quickly? I guess it just doesn't feel quite right. I mean, it feels right, but I know logically I should be telling him to put on the brakes more. But he actually makes me feel good about myself. And safe. And he tells me that he likes my body. My ribs don't bother him and my stomach doesn't gross him out and he says I'm pretty. And I actually feel good when I'm with him. But I just had my first kiss on Monday!

I mean, I know we've been dating all summer, so that's three months, but we've just been talking because he was 20 hours away. I don't know. I guess I'm just afraid he's going to leave me. I want to give him whatever he wants so he sticks around and doesn't abandon me. I need him right now, as he's one of my only sources of support down in Pittsburg.

I know, it's super pathetic. Who needs some guy, right? Is this just 19 and 21 year old hormone drama? Infatuation? Neediness?

Going to see the new therapist this afternoon. Feeling positive?