That's it. She has decided that it is negatively affecting my physical and mental health to be so at odds with God, so she's trying to get me to confront it.
Basically about 4 years ago I decided God was a sadistic bastard.
No offense to anyone.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I grew up in a strong christian home and I don't REALLY think that, it's just easier to tell myself that than the alternative. And it's easier than the real feelings I feel, which are abandonment. It's easier to sit here waiting for a "burning bush", even though I know it's not going to come.
But I think she might be right. It might be time to address this and look God in the face, even if it may be with anger.
I'm doing a devotional now specifically meant for individuals with eating disorders. I went to Campus Christians last Thursday and think I'm going to try to go this Thursday as well.
God, I hate this.
On a side note, my first dietitian appointment for almost 3 months is today.
I'd say wish me luck but I'm not sure it will do me any good =) It's the day of reckoning. But it needs to be done, so here I go!
Favorite quote of the day: "You say I'm flying too high. Get used to looking up." ~The Song Brand New Day
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