But I want something that's a reminder to me of what I need to do. Something I can put on my stomach or thigh so that when I'm body checking or wanting to cut, i can see it and be reminded of what's what.
I've been thinking about getting the word "worthy" in white ink with the ED recovery symbol as the "o". For those of you who don't know, the ED recovery symbol looks like this:
The white ink would also make it much more subtle. I was thinking about getting it on my wrist, but then my sister pointed out that I was limiting myself with what I could wear to jobs because many jobs require no visible tattoos. My stomach or thigh would mean people would only see it when I'm wearing a swim suit.
And I know it's advertising and telling the world that I have an ED, even if that's not my intention with it.
But they're going to see the scars anyway, right? My days in hiding are already numbered.
What am I so afraid of? Why don't I want anybody to know? I've said it before, and I'll say it again, secrets have power. So why am I so scared? Maybe I think people will then see that I'm not the perfect "Johnson County Princess" that I've always pretended to be. I don't have it all together. In fact, I am falling apart.
Maybe when it's time to "come out", I'll know. But that time is not yet. But soon. When I feel at peace with all of this, I'll know.
Until then, the tattoo is just a plan, not a reality.
Okay so I know this post is from December so maybe you already did this or maybe you decided not to (I could just read on!), and I could totally just go to facebook and talk to you about this there, but... I want to say... for all the world to see.... DOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you may know I have tattoos all over my body. I am definitely a pro-tattoo person! If something means enough to you to want to put it on your body, I say go for it.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the image idea, the recovery tattoo, I think it's a great idea! Nobody's recovery is perfect, as I'm sure you've heard 10000000 times. But.. this battle with anorexia et al is not going to erase itself from your past. Recovery is a lifelong thing (so I'm told!) and even if you're in recovery from today until the day you die at 100 years old, this battle HAPPENED. You FOUGHT it. Every day! Even if you achieve a permanent recovery, whatever the fuck that means, you can see that tattoo every day and be reminded of the shitstorm you walked, crawled, ran, dragged and fell through. And maybe someday someone else will see your tattoo at a coffee shop or on the train and will ask you what it means, and you can tell them and maybe they're struggling too and you can help them just by saying "it's going to be okay, see? I did it."
Haha =) I haven't done it yet, decided I'd give it a long hard think before doing anything permanent, but I'm definitely leaning towards going for it =)
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