To Talk It Out

Today started out really well at The Berry Patch. Every year, my mom and I pick blueberries at least once or twice at this place outside overland park where you can go and pick as much as you can carry (they charge a little more per pound than what you pay at the supermarket, but, hey, the blueberries are REALLY good fresh off the bush.

And we like to pick a lot.

Today we scored almost 20 pounds, which was about 2 hours of picking this morning. So much fun, and it was great to spend some time with my mom.

Our takeaway from today

The day did go a little downhill from there though. I talked to a beautiful fighter in the UK (shout out to Anna!) who I've been in touch with for about a month now and found out that she took a massive overdose literally a few hours ago and is in intensive care. I'm still getting updates from her family on how she is doing. I have asked them and her to get her some help and get her into treatment, but they are all resistant. I'm at the point where I need to accept the fact that there is only so much I can do. I can talk to her. I can love on her. I can give her advice where I am able, but that is all. At the end of the day, I need to remind myself that I am just another voice on the internet and that it's not my fault if I can't convince her to get help, go to treatment, or try therapy or counseling. I have to remind myself that it's not necessary or useful to feel guilty about her OD and that all I can do is love on her and encourage her.

It's a very difficult thing to remember, but as just a non professional and just another human being, especially when it's not in person, I simply CANNOT let myself take the problems of the 20 or 30 girls that I talk to or have talked to on my shoulders, because I will not be able to hold them all. All I can do is give love and speak words of kindness and encouragement.

As I just looked back on those two paragraphs, I realized I sound an awful lot like I'm trying to convince myself of all the shit I just wrote! It's true though. And if I have to write it down and post it here in order to rationalize to myself and convince myself, then so be it.

Going to the movies with a friend tonight. Looking forward to it! I totally need to hang out with a bro right now.