Gaming Therapy?

I had an awesome day yesterday with Casey (my BF). Woke up with him next to me. Watched Adventure Time, went to lunch, did homework together all day, went to dinner, and then played games.

He's teaching me to play video games. We started on realm of the mad god, then this 2D shooting game, then now a 3D shooting game. It's a lot all at once, but he says I'm doing well for a beginner. (As a kid, my parents never let me play video games, so I have very little exposure.) Whenever I'm freaking out or having emotional trouble and he can't be there or he has to leave for some reason, he sits me in front of a video game and gives me the mouse and says "here, play for 2 hours then go to bed." It sounds bad, but it actually kinda works.

I woke up this morning covered in blood, which freaked me out because my period's not until next week. I hate it when I bleed and cramp on my period, but unfortunately it comes with the territory. I think I'm going to go back to totally clean eating, because the headaches and bleeding and cramps decreased last time I went to clean eating. Unfortunately, that's also when my disorder took a big turn for the worse, so I don't know what to do. I have been eating a lot of ice cream and chocolate to hit my calorie goals and some fast food to try and tackle the fear of it. Now my dietician is challenging me to eat "fear foods" (crap) and my doc is telling me to eat clean. What?!?!?!

This is why people get eating disorders people. Not because we "want to be skinny". This is why people become anorexic.

I'm subscribed to a lot of vlogs on youtube of other people with disorders and we talk sometimes and just support each other. In none of those cases, did they become disordered because they just wanted to be thin.

I think the video games is a good idea though. Especially when I want to binge. it gives me something else to focus my attention on.