I promised Casey I would participate in a group activity of his choosing. Bad plan on my part. I am terrified of group activities. Anything more than 3 or 4 people that I know well takes a lot of psyching up on my part. I tend to do things like work out when no one is around to see me, walk around the outside edge of campus so I don't have to go through the middle where it's crowded, and go to walmart at unorthodox times when there won't be people there.
But I knew it would make Casey happy, so I told him I would do something with him and a group. He chose ultimate frisbee, which he does with a group of guys on Mondays and Thursdays. My frisbee skills need some work, but he said we can practice some and then do it with all the other people when I'm ready.
I want to be as close to perfect as possible and a net positive for my team.I will likely be the only girl there and I want to show those guys that I can hold my own. I'm so nervous though. I tend to perfect things on my own and then only present them when I feel they are ready to be seen by others. That way, all others see is my absolute best. Casey and I have been working on running catches and on things like hammer throws and throw up dip downs, so he has been seeing my not best. I only hope I won't freak out when I have to do it in front of 12 other people.
Freaking out is not an option.
And you know what, this might be fun. I might decide I like this and make it a regular thing, you never know. It's just odd because I always work out by myself when no one can see me. It makes me nervous to have people watching me.
Speaking of working out, the other day my heart rate got up to 220. I wanted to push through because I was almost done. Then I started seeing orange and I walked a couple of circles, then sat down and took my heart rate. I don't know what that means, but I know I struggle normally to get much higher than 180 or 190. I've been eating less and less (I know, I'm trying, I really am) but wouldn't that make my heart rate go down? My resting heart rate has been sitting consistently at around 50?
I had gone on caffeine pills again, so I thought it might be that. I gave them to Casey to keep them away from me. Regretting it a little now. I'd really like a caffeine pill.
I was having a bad night last night, and he was a sweetheart and came over. We played something called Robot Unicorn Something? Totally addictive! I fell asleep while he was here. I can always tell when that happens because I have this ginormous stuffed dolphin named Dorian Gray that he got me and we'll be cuddling and then I'll wake up the next morning and Dorian will be spooning with me where Casey used to be. That means he wanted to stay until I was asleep and then leave (mostly when he has class early the next morning because when he spends the night he tends to sleep in.) And lo and behold, this morning I had a dolphin at my back.
Feeling optimistic about today.
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