This n' That

A lot happened yesterday. Basically it started out with me kinda fighting the health care system. They've forced me on anti depressants. No choice. I'm kinda lucky they didn't put me in a hospital, because of the whole legal obligation and "danger to myself and others" kinda thing. They don't understand. I'm not suicidal. I may have thoughts of suicide, but I'm not suicidal.

But then the day started looking up. I didn't have time for a workout, which really made me nervous, but Casey came over and I had a piece of pizza with his encouragement and then we played League of Legends and Terraria and ate Gobstoppers until 3am. Now I'm sitting here writing and watching him sleep.

This is what normal people do. This is the goal. To sit here and feel peaceful and not feel guilty about it all.

Next week is fall break, so I will be going home and won't be seeing Casey for 5 days. He's my source of support, but I know I'll be ok. I'm actually more worried about going home and seeing my parents. Up until now I've been able to hide the fact that I have thoughts of suicide from them. They don't go to any of my appointments. But they know that something is wrong.

I have to wear my mask. But that's ok. I'm very good at my mask. It hides me. It is my friend. But it is also my torment and keeps me in the dark, and the devil lives in the dark.

Wow, that sounded really morbid. Ok, lets end on a positive note with a joke. This is a really funny one. I'm not trying to offend anyone, so if you're easily offended, stop reading right here.

 So, what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"See you next month!"

In bad taste, I know, but you know you're laughing =) Ok, until next time people. Have a wonderful day.