New Diagnosis and "Get Well"

Officially Bulimic Non-Purge Type now, meaning I binge and then purge by exercising excessively and restricting severely. I'm not super happy with this. I mean, anorexia is kind of the "noble" disease characterized by asceticism and control, while bulimia is lack of control and emotional volatility. Giving into your "earthly desires", if you will.

But my therapist says most anorexics go through stages of bulimia in recovery and that it's perfectly normal when you're trying to figure out "how" to eat. All of a sudden, you're told all this food is allowed, but you still feel crappy about eating, so you get caught in that binge/purge cycle.

What I'm feeling right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS8sqgBgzG8

I want to take a moment to talk about the lyrics here.

We throw tantrums like parties,

We're not happy 'til everyone knows we're sick.

And that's just how we like it

We've hurt bad enough, right, we've earned it?

Don't tell the others, but it's all getting old.

I mean, how many more times must our stories be told?

And being lonely's only fun in a group,

It sort of loses it's charm when it's true.

This is what I'm talking about when I talk about how much it annoys me when other people post stuff on Facebook about how sick they are and how much their life sucks. Or when people say they're depressed and they're not really, or when they say they want to be anorexic for a month. People almost brag about their problems sometimes, while I take the route of doing everything I can to hide mine. Why on earth would you want to advertise your problems. (Please don't give me hate here, I know I write this blog every day, but it is anonymous and Cori Baker is not my real name and I do it mostly for therapeutic reasons because it helps me to write things out so I can think them through in my head).

Can you find me friends that don't rank me on what I've been through

The more battle scars, the more attention it gets you.

It is a totally one upping sort of system out there. People think it gets them attention and sympathy and talk about how they are "choosing to be strong" or "God give me strength" (that one annoys the shit out of me). Now I'm not saying there aren't people out there with real difficult problems, and I'm not trying to downplay that. But there are also a lot of attention seekers.

The reason it annoys me is because it feels like an insult. No one would want to be anorexic for a month. When you say that, you are insulting those who really do struggle with this horrible disease. Trust me, it's not fun. And bulimia may be even more not fun! So please don't downplay other people's problems by claiming to have them or making them sound glamorous or noble.