I was talking to my therapist the other day and mentioned that I love to cook and bake, but never allow myself to eat any of what I make. She asked what I did with the food and I said that I mostly give it away.
She nodded and did not seem at all surprised.
I asked if this was a common thing, and she said yes: that most anorexics are actually very good cooks and enjoy cooking and working with food.
This intrigued me. I know that I have always been a major foodie and have been game for trying little bits of things like pig ears, chicken feet, fish eggs, whole squid, etc... I have written my own cookbook and read a food history and physics encyclopedia and a large book on the chemistry of baking. This has allowed me to become quite the experimenter in the kitchen; something I have enjoyed very much.
Last night was baked spaghetti squash with cubed tofu and marinara and fresh garlic herb green beans on the side. Last week I made braised pork cutlets in an onion apple and balsamic vinegar sauce. I bake cookies and send them to friends. I try new things and new tastes.
I like to cook.
I watch cooking shows, have a cooking page on pinterest, and save up recipes like nobody's business.
But I never eat any of it.
And my therapist said this was common?
I was curious about this and decided to do a little digging. Research supported all these facts, as well as provided me with a psychological reason of why anorexics look at food, work with food, make food, and watch people eat food. And it totally makes sense, however creepy it may be.
It gives us a vicarious thrill. When my boyfriend is eating a cookie I made and asks me if I will eat one and I say "no thanks, I'll just watch you eat it", it allows me to indirectly experience that cookie and even can provide a false sense of satiety.
Our bodies are starving and thus our minds are obsessed with food. Being a foodie allows us to appease our anorexic tendencies and fulfill our obsession.
No comments:
Post a Comment