Drop Dead God Fucking Damn Gorgeous

Had to remind myself of something my mom once said yesterday. It was during summer of 2013 and I had only been trying to recover for about 2 months and I was struggling with feeling like a snack was a binge. I was trying to talk myself through it and one of the things I said was "you can't binge on healthy food".

I didn't really think much of it at the time, but my mom pointed it out to me and said that that was probably the most down to earth thing she had heard me say all summer. Since then I remembered that and used it as sort of a battle cry when I needed it.

I've been focusing on eating only healthy food (which is probably a little disordered) and it has been working for me and helping me keep from bingeing. But the truth of the matter is I am currently at my highest weight ever and it often feels like a binge. Last night I ate raspberries and almonds for a snack to the point where I was past full and rather unsettled. That's not healthy, though it may be a touch healthier than going to Mcdonalds and having a "real" binge.

Now I'm stuck wanting to restrict so badly.

Can you binge on healthy food? I don't even know. I don't know what normal portions are anymore. I don't let myself count calories I don't know.

Now that all that's been said, lets do our positive piece for today! School has been canceled because of an impending snowstorm. It's really not too big of a deal for me though, because I only have one class today. What will be super awesome is if school is closed on Wednesday, which is my 5 class day! (fingers crossed. Going to be sleeping with a spoon under my pillow!)

We just got through the ice storm last Friday and I've been enjoying the winter wonderland. Pulled off the highway on my way back to P-burg and took a walk through the middle of nowhere to enjoy the ice.

My boyfriend says we should play in the snowstorm later today, so there's more fun to be had! I'm feeling blessed by the beauty that surrounds me.

You know, people say that Kansas is flat and boring. It kinda makes me sad because there's so much beauty to be found everywhere. The beauty is in the differences. Tall-grass plains can be just as beautiful as the mountains or the oceans simply because they are unique and different.

Woah.

Ok.

That was weird.

I promise I did not have a plan for this post, I was just rambling on wherever my head was taking me, but the same can be said for people too! We're all different and imperfect and unique, and that's what makes us beautiful. Just because we don't meet the cookie cutter barbie standards for beauty doesn't mean we aren't absolutely breathtaking. 

I mean, looking at the ice on the pond and the grass and the haybales and the barbed wire, it took my breath away. It sparked in the sun. Twinkled almost.

I'm Cori. And I twinkle.

You're ________ and you twinkle. You're unique and special and different, and that's why you're drop dead god fucking damn gorgeous.