Sonogram

So I was at the Ob/Gyn (just a shout out to my Gyn, he is super awesome and amazing. I was very hesitant to go to a male Gyn originally and went to 6 different female ones. Finally my mom convinced me to go to this guy who has a very high reputation, despite being a dude. But he is short and nerdy and totally un-intimidating and very easy to talk to. Not many people can say they like their gyn!)

Any way, so I was there for a sonogram. Now, I've had many sonograms before, but never like this. She couldn't see anything and finally decided that the Endo had caused my uterus to become retroverted, which means it's pushed and tipped the wrong way. So they had to do it intravaginally, which means they stick the little wand up iin your business.

Now let me clarify that most people with Endo have a lot of pain during sex. The adhesions and scar tissue means things don't stretch easily. I had to work for a solid 3 years before I could even stand to put in a tampon.

And this wand hurt like no other. It hurt so bad, I saw stars. I tried so hard to hold still for her so she could do her job. She kept asking me if I wanted to stop, but I knew that then we still wouldn't have all the pics we needed from the Sono. And anyway, you're talking to the high pain tolerance tough girl here who has learned how to take almost anything.

It did make me fear though that I will never have sex and that no one will want me because I can't have sex. And the fact that the Endo has caused my uterus to retrovert is also concerning. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Practice sitting with the discomfort and being ok with the discomfort. Thoughts have flitted through my head about driving my weight so low that I stop having periods again. Anything to make the pain stop. I'm trying not to let that become a viable option in my mind. And even if my periods did stop, it still hurts all the time. But you just don't get the super debilitating pain. I don't know. It's tantalizing almost though because I'm only about 10 pounds away from stopping my period again (going by what happened last time).

But I've lived with it this far. Trying to stay positive. I've been bleeding and cramping continually for the past 2 weeks now. Not debilitating cramps, like they sometimes are, but pretty bad. I have still been able to function." I am an Endometriosis warrior."